Should i say goodbye?

Sunday, September 30, 2012 12 comments

"May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone. Just wanna go home. Let me go home."

That particular line in the song "Home" by Michael Buble explains exactly how i feel. This weekend has been a really depressing one. Why? Because I feel homesick. I yearn to see my family. Right now, All i want is to feel the comfort of being with the ones i love the most. Is that too much to ask?

People say that i'm an "emotional roller coaster". One minute, I'd be laughing out loud and the next, I'll be crying about some random thing, a sad movie perhaps or a painful memory. Whatever the reason is, I easily feel sad and that sadness can also be easily taken away. So, when i felt gloomy about missing home, i didn't pay much attention to it, Thinking that it was just me being melodramatic. But the thing is, It's not painful. I'm not hurting in any way but when i look within, there's nothing, absolutely.. Nothing.. Just emptiness. 

I don't know why i feel this way. I don't know why being away from home can make this big hole in my heart.

Don't get me wrong, Okay? I'm not saying that i don't like Angeles City or the People here. The truth is, being here has been undoubtedly wonderful. I've made good friends, learned lots of things, experienced freedom from the strict rules of my ever-so-loving father, i learned to be independent and the list just goes on and on.

But though this city is beautiful. Though the people are wonderful.

It's still not HOME.

So, after thinking about it. I thought to myself.. 

"If being here for a few months is making me miserable, what would happen to me in four years?" 

Though I'd be able to go back home every Semestral break and Summer vacation, I still don't think that i would be able to survive living here for that long. Which is why i had to make a decision. Either i stay here, continue my studies at AUF and hope that somehow the emptiness within me would subside OR transfer to a university that is near home. 

I haven't fully made up my mind yet. But i already told my father and He says that we'll talk about it. I know that transferring schools would require me to adjust again and that there would be lots of paperwork to be done but i just can't imagine staying here for FOUR long years.

As i said earlier, My decision isn't final. I might change my mind but hopefully, Whatever i decide to choose,  I'd be able to stick with it and not regret it in the future.


  • ms. smiley said...

    Hey, it's okay. I feel the same way too. I've been separated from my family because they work abroad and I study here. At first I was homesick too, but I found a way to see them every week - Skype :D You should try it ^^

  • anna léte said...

    Hi! This might make you cry more. But it's a really nice song and video. {}Also, I kinda felt the same way when I moved away from my parents to live near my school last year. I cried like every day! But know that there is no right or wrong choice. Yet whether you choose to stay there or move back, there are things you have to give up. Take care. =))

  • Roshayne ♥ said...

    The video is beautiful. It's amazing how a single song can explain exactly how i feel. :) I know that there are a lot of things that i'd have to give up if i go back home which is why i'm still thinking about it. I don't want to regret anything. :))) Thanks a lot! :D

  • Anonymous said...

    The world tells us, "It doesn't matter how much blood, sweat and tears you shed, as long as you get somewhere, you'll be fine." but that isn't true. I hope you don't care about where life takes you, but care about how your going to get where ever. If your miserable, than darling cut the cycle.

    I've been there too. And I know you're thinking about what daddy would think, and what all the other people would think. But please try to see what your heart tells you to do. When you realize that these times are so precious, that the moments of our youth are so important. You're going to act upon the fact that you should be able to everything that you want to because it's not anybody elses life. It's yours.

    No matter what your decision is, I won't love you any less.

  • Ethel Dela Cruz said...

    suuuuus ui :)
    kaya ra na nimu.. emo lang te? emo?
    nawng nimu shang :)
    amping lang dha gwaps ui :)
    unsa man gane imu desisyon support ra mi :)
    sisters bya ta..HAHAHAHAHA
    we miss you diay :)

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